Friday, August 26, 2005

Your future

After I worked on postgresql code for exactly 2.3 hours, and I had cribbed bout the lack of documentation for exactly 23.23 hours, the Lords of the DB finally got fed up with me, and gifted me Oracle. So now I will predict your tomorrow - not every tomorrow, just describe 1 day of your life - for any further life-changing predictons, contact me personally with a fee of enough material for 3.5 research papers.

Anyways, on this tomorrow:
You don't wake up with the alarm clock - and miss an important meeting with your guide. When you do wake up, it's 12 p.m., and you fall off the bed when you realize it.

The water stops halfway through your bath, you curse the Gods, and the Oracle, and when you come into your room, you get entangled in the sheets that you had left lying on the floor and fall again.

You get dressed, run downstairs, go to the lab - download linux kernel 2.49.54 and compile it. Then you decide to do your Matlab assignment and try getting statistical toolbox license for Matlab, only to realize that someone else is already using it.... you get fed up, and decide to write an open-source version that is as good as Matlab (unlike R).

You start coding and in 6 hours you have coded up open-Matlab i.e. opMLab :).... You then realize that you have not followed proper coding practices... and the design is not good, and there is no modularity, and the architecture is ill-defined..... so you decide to rewrite code.

But you don't know / remember anything about design/architect patterns, so you decide to get an architect for you to do the job.

Since you are such a coding God, you need a architect God, so you decide to go to JJ School of Arts to find an architect..... end up hiring Howard Rowark who says your code shud have a soul....

You get irritated with him, tell him, no it shud have modularity and de-coupling.... he says Coupling is dumb... try Desperate Housewives instead. :P

You get fed up cause he just doesn't listen to you, so you end up shooting him, and then pushing his car off a cliff to make it look like an accident....

But while you are pushing, your shirt sleeve gets caught in the car door, and you fall down into the ocean... you fall and fall and fall at 9.81 m/s^2 acceleration and theta = 90 degrees, and you start calculating time required to touch the waves of the ocean... and at the same time your life is flashing by in front of your eyes and you realize that Life is sooo beautiful, and there is soo much beauty in the world, especially the rocks and the waves and the ocean and the sunset and the crocodiles floating by in the ocean.....

You fall with a splash, and you swim, and you swim, and a shark tries to eat your right hand, but a dolphin gives you a lift and protects you from the shark....

You land at a beach, where there is a beer tree and a vodka tree and small plants of peanuts growing.... you get drunk and challenge the crocodile to a fight till death....

You fight and you fall and become unconcious and the crocodile thinks you are dead.... and that he has won, and takes your body to the city to show his prowess to his city-friends.

In the city, just when he is paying to get your body stuffed to put you on display, you wake up, start screaming and run away... and come back to the safe havens of IIT, where there are no more crocodiles, only tigers....

Anyways, so you are back in IIT, and as usual :
You check your mail, and get a mail from your guide saying that he had also missed todays meeting cause of some other work... and then you go and meet him finally, and try to explain to him why you didnt work the whole week.

He doesnt like your reason for not working, gets angry that you are making excuses, and shoots you instead.

Being experienced and all, he has no trouble getting rid of your body, and gets himself a new student after 2 days...

End of day.

P.S. Every story seems to result in a death !! Damn !!

Saturday, August 20, 2005

Fun-cident Of the Day

I got a post from the US yesterday.
GRE people.
Some PowerPrep software.
A thick cardboard CD-cover.
All nice and sealed.
Posted with lots of stamps.
Says "here is your CD".
nice CD cover.
no CD inside.

Friday, August 12, 2005


Princesella has a Prince Charming and Baby-doll doesn't ?? Ofcourse she does! Comments in the last 24 hours have poured in from all parts of the world saying that they love Baby-doll, and they want more posts about her, so here goes....

This is a story about one of Baby-doll's "deewanas". His name was SriSankalp Saahityavaadi JayaaRam (Rams for short). Rams was a knight in armor, though not shining armor, who was quite turned on by the idea of bossy women ..... and women in control.... and women in power.... .... and women in general when the type-1 type were unavailable.

Rams liked Baby-doll and kept trying to "pataofy" her - he took her out for dinner to Pakhtoon, and the Grill and Cafe Mondegar.... he sent her cool blogs to read, and lent her interesting books and movies and songs, and went on long walks, and he flirted and he flirted... but to no avail....
He then tried chocolates and flowers.... even went to Prince Charming for advice .... alas !!

He tried writing her poetry, he tried singing her songs, he even tried dancing in the moonlight, when all failed he went to the hamming club and learnt to di-da-di his feelings in Morse....

He tried and he tried.... and all he heard was "NO NO NO".

Then along came Saruan, who forcefully kissed Baby-doll under the moonlight among the coconut trees next to a beautiful lake, and she swooned cause of his amazing kissing style, and fainted and died, cause her heart was now with Saruan.

Moral of the story : Don't fall in love. It will kill you.

P.S. : What happened to Saruan? He tried kissing Baby-doll's best friend instead.

Another Moral : Don't swoon when a guy kisses you.

Thursday, August 11, 2005

Princessella and Baby-doll

Long long time ago there lived a princess called Princessella. Princessella being a princess was very pretty and nice and had cute dimples and beautiful eyes and everyone loved her a lot. All the princes and all the knights and all the soldiers and all the farmers loved Princessella - cause she was so pretty and had beautiful eyes.

She was also very sweet and nice which people didn't notice cause she was so pretty and had beautiful eyes... but it was OK because they loved her any-which-ways, and thats what counts.

Anyways, Princessella had a sister too - who was sometimes older and sometimes younger to her. This is possible cause this is a story, and stories are never logical and hence Princessella's sister was sometimes the elder sister and sometimes the younger sister. And her name was Baby-doll.

Now Baby-doll was inncoent but not too innocent, and pretty but not sooo pretty, but she was just as nice as Princessella, and was also very intelligent and smart and all that. Baby-doll was also bossy (though not too bossy) which is why she was sometimes elder(elder people are always bossy, you know). Anyways, the point is that noone likes bossy people irrespective of whether they are pretty or not, so noone liked Baby-doll too much at first sight - they all loved Princessella who was so pretty and had beautiful eyes, and who was not too bossy either.

One day Baby-doll wanted to go shopping. She called out to Princessella saying "Chalo Princessella, lets go shopping". Now Princessella had been told by her beautiful Prince Charming that she should not go out shopping cause it was not safe, and Princessella being all-in-love agreed not to. But she didn't care enough to ask Prince Charming why he had told her not to go - and was it safe for Baby-doll to go? She didn't ask, cause she was too busy brushing her hair and admiring her pretty eyes in the pretty mirror that Baby-doll had gifted her.

Anyways, Baby-doll being a good little sister kept asking Princessella to come along, she gave her lots of "bhav". She sat up at night till 2 a.m. after studying till 12 a.m. trying to convince Princessella to come shopping with her. Then she got up at 4 a.m. again to convince Princessella to go shopping with her. But Princessella was enjoying the attention and said "No, my Prince Charming has asked me not to go and hence I will not go - but you go ahead". Baby-doll kept saying that "If you don't come, I will also not go", but Princessella said that she didn't know why Prince Charmimg had said no, and hence she would not come.

So Baby-doll called Prince Charming at 4 a.m. to ask him why not. When he didn't get up, she called Anya, the Lord of the Rings, and then Yamraj, the Lord of death... who finally woke up Prince Charming who gave permission to Princessella, and they all finally went shopping.

Being lovely lovers, Princessella and Prince Charming soon left Baby-doll all by herself, and went for some cool hep party, and while coming back alone from her fun-filled shopping Baby-doll fell sick, and decided not to go shopping ever again.

6 months later, Princessella wanted to go shopping this time, and she mailed everyone saying "Lets go shop!!", and when Baby-doll said "No", she decided not to give Baby-doll any "bhav" at all and instead get angry at Baby-doll for saying no.

Guess what. It worked. Babydoll felt bad and cried and Princessella also cried and no-one went shopping that day.


P.S. : Thats how real-life stories end - with a sucky end.
Another P.S. : I know this is not a real-life story. Nowadays fake stories have sucky ends too :(.

Saturday, August 06, 2005


It started with a simple invitation into a friends room tonight...
She had some trouble, wanted some help.....
She wasn't from CSE, from some other dept, where life isn't as hectic, where people have other means of fun besides the comp.

There was a party going on... a sublime affair with only the closest of friends.... a different hostel life. a different set of experiences...

2 girls in the same institute, same hostel, same program, neighbouring rooms living completely different lives...

Made me realize the significance of the choice we make at every moment in our lives, picking one out of an infinte number of paths...

Made me realize that we have but 1 life : no time for regrets, no time to change whats gone... do what feels best NOW, make every moment matter....

I got all sentimental about doing what I love, about trying out new things, doing what I really want in life...

And then went back to my life : blogging, chatting, sleeping late, getting up late, and hurriedly reading papers, waiting for mail from my guide....

Oh well.


Its not like I cannot live without you - I can.
Its not like I cannot be happy without you by my side - I'm pretty happy with life right now.
But everytime I feel you on my lips, everytime I taste you, it feels soo good - you feel soo good...

You make me realize whats missing in my life...
You make me realize whats missing in my happiness - its you.
You add to the perfection of life itself.

And everytime I feel you for the "last" time, I always want some more of you... a litttle more... just another byte....

Wanna spend the rest of my life with you - try out new things with you...

Pastries, brownies, icecream....

Man, I'm a chocolate addict :P


Thursday, August 04, 2005

Women at the Workplace

Women in Microsoft mentions how committed Microsoft is "to attracting talented women to the company and the high-tech industry at large."

Their beneits include Adoption assistance plan, Contraception benefit, School's Out program for older children...

Their message to women:
"Come work in our company, because we are nice people and we don't complain when you have to do all the _womenly_ stuff like adopt kids(men don't do this), contraception(men don't need it), take care of your older children(men don't seem to have any)."

Most other companies have similar policies ofcourse...