Friday, August 26, 2005

Your future

After I worked on postgresql code for exactly 2.3 hours, and I had cribbed bout the lack of documentation for exactly 23.23 hours, the Lords of the DB finally got fed up with me, and gifted me Oracle. So now I will predict your tomorrow - not every tomorrow, just describe 1 day of your life - for any further life-changing predictons, contact me personally with a fee of enough material for 3.5 research papers.

Anyways, on this tomorrow:
You don't wake up with the alarm clock - and miss an important meeting with your guide. When you do wake up, it's 12 p.m., and you fall off the bed when you realize it.

The water stops halfway through your bath, you curse the Gods, and the Oracle, and when you come into your room, you get entangled in the sheets that you had left lying on the floor and fall again.

You get dressed, run downstairs, go to the lab - download linux kernel 2.49.54 and compile it. Then you decide to do your Matlab assignment and try getting statistical toolbox license for Matlab, only to realize that someone else is already using it.... you get fed up, and decide to write an open-source version that is as good as Matlab (unlike R).

You start coding and in 6 hours you have coded up open-Matlab i.e. opMLab :).... You then realize that you have not followed proper coding practices... and the design is not good, and there is no modularity, and the architecture is ill-defined..... so you decide to rewrite code.

But you don't know / remember anything about design/architect patterns, so you decide to get an architect for you to do the job.

Since you are such a coding God, you need a architect God, so you decide to go to JJ School of Arts to find an architect..... end up hiring Howard Rowark who says your code shud have a soul....

You get irritated with him, tell him, no it shud have modularity and de-coupling.... he says Coupling is dumb... try Desperate Housewives instead. :P

You get fed up cause he just doesn't listen to you, so you end up shooting him, and then pushing his car off a cliff to make it look like an accident....

But while you are pushing, your shirt sleeve gets caught in the car door, and you fall down into the ocean... you fall and fall and fall at 9.81 m/s^2 acceleration and theta = 90 degrees, and you start calculating time required to touch the waves of the ocean... and at the same time your life is flashing by in front of your eyes and you realize that Life is sooo beautiful, and there is soo much beauty in the world, especially the rocks and the waves and the ocean and the sunset and the crocodiles floating by in the ocean.....

You fall with a splash, and you swim, and you swim, and a shark tries to eat your right hand, but a dolphin gives you a lift and protects you from the shark....

You land at a beach, where there is a beer tree and a vodka tree and small plants of peanuts growing.... you get drunk and challenge the crocodile to a fight till death....

You fight and you fall and become unconcious and the crocodile thinks you are dead.... and that he has won, and takes your body to the city to show his prowess to his city-friends.

In the city, just when he is paying to get your body stuffed to put you on display, you wake up, start screaming and run away... and come back to the safe havens of IIT, where there are no more crocodiles, only tigers....

Anyways, so you are back in IIT, and as usual :
You check your mail, and get a mail from your guide saying that he had also missed todays meeting cause of some other work... and then you go and meet him finally, and try to explain to him why you didnt work the whole week.

He doesnt like your reason for not working, gets angry that you are making excuses, and shoots you instead.

Being experienced and all, he has no trouble getting rid of your body, and gets himself a new student after 2 days...

End of day.

P.S. Every story seems to result in a death !! Damn !!

6 comments:

  1. 1 - Memory structure of the human brain
    2 - Free will in a Turing machine
    3 - Does nature have memory?
    3.5 - Find f(x) such that f(f(x)) = (-x)

    Give me mine.

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  2. If you want your stories to not end in death, you need to come back to the fold. PostgreSQL is life!

    :-)

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  3. you had me until you decided to rewrite opML. seriously. everyone knows, you never redo something unless everyone hates it.

    and, everything ends in death. crap.

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  4. You are CRAZY! O GOD!
    Ofcourse that should not be construed to mean that you are God and you are crazy; neither does it mean that God is crazy. All I'm saying is that you are crazy; and then calling out God's name...

    ReplyDelete
  5. Pari,
    Seems like my prediction for your day came true after all :P

    ReplyDelete